While I’m Waiting (A Story of Infertility Loss)

“~‘For I know the plans and thoughts that I have for you,’ says the LORD, ‘plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster to give you a future and a hope.” ‭‭Jeremiah ‭29:11‬ ‭AMP

My name is Melly Martinez, a daughter of God and Pastor of the Resurrection Center in Springfield, Mass. My story begins when I met my husband 16 years ago, in who I have had the pleasure of being married to for 14 years and together we share a beautiful 15 year old daughter. I met my husband at the young age of 16, and within a couple of months of dating I got pregnant. Here I am, a young girl who has run away from home and now living with my boyfriend who I’ve only known for 5 months and now pregnant and terrified.

I came from a strict Pentecostal family who raised me in the ways of the Lord. I’ve always had a strong foundation in God and grew up experiencing God speak to his people in the church through prophecy. So I can honestly say that when God spoke I would always believe in his words, or that the person speaking was doing so under God’s anointing. As a rebellious teen I decided that I wanted to do things my way and boy did I have to learn some hard lessons. My boyfriend and I fought all the time and he became verbally and physically abusive throughout my whole pregnancy and was extremely jealous. (I forgot to mention that I met him at a church that my aunt had invited me too.) It definitely wasn’t love at first sight it was more like Love at Second Sight.
My Daughter Is Born

After giving birth to our daughter I thought that life would get better, but it didn’t. The fighting and abuse both physically and verbally continued. I contemplated taking my life on several occasions but thinking about leaving my daughter and parents behind wouldn’t allow me to go through with it. You see when the enemy knows who you are in Christ he will try to take you out before you can realize your God-given purpose and destiny.

Jeremiah 29:11 for I know the plans declare the Lord…….

At some point during our living together I came to place in where I just couldn’t take the abuse anymore. I wanted out of the relationship and I was ready to leave. I just couldn’t see myself staying in the relationship any longer and made it aware to my boyfriend that I wanted to leave. In the time I started to think about leaving, my boyfriend began to visit church in where he was invited by a friend to attend. Little by little I started to see changes in my boyfriend as he continued to visit the church. Than one day out of no where he asked me to marry him. Shocked! I accepted his proposal and because God had a mighty plan for my life I decided to accept my boyfriends marriage proposal and we got married and decided to seek God’s help together to help us in our marriage. It wasn’t easy but together we started attending a local church and eventually became leaders at that church. We served as youth mentors. Life was getting much brighter and God was healing our marriage.

Broken

As we continued to heal from all the brokenness in our marriage, we decided that it was the perfect time to have another child. We started trying and with no success the first year and the second year I started to question God as to why I wasn’t getting pregnant. I couldn’t understand why it wasn’t happening for us and I began crying out to Abba Father. The situation began to remind me of Hannah from the book of 1 Samuel chapter 1, and how she would cry out to the father for a child. I started to become angry and the enemy began to put thoughts in my mind against God and His love towards me.

After some time had passed and still struggling to conceive. I received a prophetic word that I would give birth to a son. Hallelujah! I shouted and rejoiced because I was finally hearing from God in response to what I wanted. I thought, yes! I’m finally gonna have my baby. Years continue to come and go and nothing was happening. My husband would receive prophetic words concerning our child but nothing was happening in my womb. In 2004, was the year we started trying to convince again. Although I was still not pregnant, my relationship with God and the calling He had over my life and my husbands life was being birthed, and our ministry was growing. Through the years of bareness all I can do was pray and trust God no matter what wasn’t happening.

It was now 2012, and after receiving prophetic word, after prophetic word, we held on to His word while God was positioning us as pastors over our ministry in which is now called, The Resurrection Center, in Springfield, Massachusetts. We still were not seeing the promise fulfilled of getting pregnant. Our marriage and lives became what God’s plans and purpose was for us and finally one day I became pregnant, yay!! We were on cloud 9 and we praised God and celebrated. However, our celebration was short lived as I started bleeding and eventually miscarried our much awaited child. I cried and couldn’t understand why this was happening, especially after God has spoken to us time and time again. We were even pastoring His people. I remember kneeling down in my room all alone just me and Jesus and I said, “Lord!, I chose you and this too shall pass.” After the first miscarriage, 2 years had passed until my 30th birthday I find out I was pregnant again. Wow God, what a gift I thought. Our joy was shortly lived once again as I started to bleed and miscarried my second child. Only this time my body was contracting for longer than usual and I developed a very painful infection. The pain was so bad that I couldn’t walk for about a week. I found myself trying to figure out what I was doing wrong, why was this happening again? Was I not praying enough? Was God mad at me for some reason? The enemy was attacking my mind day in and day out. I would ask God, “What did I do wrong?” My husband was an amazing support and praying partner. I started to become ashamed because I couldn’t keep our pregnancies and felt like he deserved a woman who could give him the son that God has prophesied on giving him.

Battling The Lies

At this point the enemy was tormenting me I couldn’t sleep, all I could hear was” you will never have another child, get over it.” I cried and prayed and rebuked the devil.

James 4:7 says, “So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” I would pray and tell God again, “Jesus I chose you, and this too shall pass.” After 3 months from the second miscarriage, guess what? I found out we were expecting. I was hopeful and again I miscarried. Only I didn’t react this time, I said, “Lord, it’s in your hands.” If you did it for Rachel, if you did it for Sarah, if you did it for Elizabeth, if you did it for Hannah, if you did it for Leah, and if you did it for Rebekah then you are the God that is able to do it for me and for all the women who are waiting on your promises for a child. I am currently still waiting and believing in God for what He promised me. You see in my journey of holding onto my promise for having a son, I lost myself, I lost my identity in who I was in Christ, because I allowed the promise to become bigger than God. I couldn’t see my worth in how God saw me because I focused so much on how I failed to hold on to a baby in my womb. Through this journey of waiting and believing in God, God had to show me how loved and worthy I am. I had to surrender the pain of my bareness to Him so that He can heal me of the shame and guilt I carried inside for so long. I want all the woman out there who are struggling today with infertility or who have had miscarriages to please don’t give up! Don’t give up on your God-given promise, don’t give up hope and please continue to trust that God is more than able to do exceedingly abundantly above all we could ever ask or think of. Remember God’s timing and season are perfect. Declare this promise with me…..

There will be no miscarriages or infertility in your land, and I will give you long, full lives. Exodus 23:26

God will do just what He says He will do, lets continue to hope and believe together that what God has spoken he will fulfill. Although, I am still waiting on his promise to give me a son, I am at a place in my life right now, in where I am filled with peace, I am loved, and I am valued. I now understand that God loves me so much and that no matter how long I’ve waited I will see Him fulfill His promises when the timing is right. Healing for me has been a day to day process, I always think about my 3 babies that I know I will one day get to meet in Heaven. Until than, I can trust that God has them and will reunite us one day. I praise God for His unfailing love and faithfulness in my life.

Pray this prayer with me

Father in the name of Jesus I declare that my body aligns with your word in Genesis chapter 1 verse 28 that says, “I shall be fruitful and multiple.” I rebuke and cancel every Spirit of infirmity and baroness out of my body in the name of Jesus I will see my promises and I will rejoice and give you the glory and honor forever and forever and people will know that you are a God who is more than able. No devil in hell can stop your word from coming to pass. Womb I command you to conceive in the name of Jesus, my womb is nurturing my child and I will give birth to a healthy baby in Jesus Christ name AMEN.

Pastor Jose & Melly Martinez of Springfield, Massachusetts are the Pastors of the Resurrection Center. Pastor Martinez has the passion that God has given him to see families and individuals restored and come into their divine calling. He has been involved in ministry over 11 years serving as youth Pastor the last 6 years and as a chaplain of United Chaplain’s International Ministry. Pastor Martinez has completed many leadership and Pastoral courses.

Pastor Melly Martinez was born and raised in Springfield, Massachusetts. She has been serving God for most of her life. Giving her many experiences in the ministry. Pastor Melly served in Youth ministry and Worship ministry for 6 years. As a wife, mother and Pastor, she is ready to serve today’s generation for a better tomorrow.